Thursday, October 17, 2013

FREEDOM!!!!... ish.....

Let me 'splain.

No. There is too much. Let me sum up.

The last post I wrote we were chatting about the deja-vu experience with baby #3's heart rate and how it had dropped somewhat drastically. Then we took a little trip down memory lane slash the current lane we are on. Ahhhh nostalgia.

Well, that was Monday. Now it is Thursday, and so I'm writing a little update. (I figure this is easier, since I can't keep track of who I've talked to, what I've said and to who (whom?) I've said it to, and, well, my memory these days is not really top notch.)

Sooooo.. here's the update: On Tuesday I went back in for round two of the steroid shot that helps with the baby's lung development and a non-stress test (NST) at the doctor's office. The highlight of that visit was that the steroid shot didn't hurt nearly as bad as the first one!! -- I was practicing my deep breathing techniques :) -- and that the baby's heart was still having a lot of variance. The other big positive was that the baby was moving around a lot. The bad news was that the baseline was still really low -- slightly lower than Monday's. During the 20-minute test, the heart hung out a lot in the 90s/100s, dropped as low as the high 80s, but then accelerated as high as 134.

The doctor was not happy with those numbers, so he then told me to "not pass go" and to head over to the high risk doctor, who will hereafter be called Dr. B -- mostly because her last name I can never remember and it's really long and I don't have any idea how to spell it, and we all know how important spelling and grammar is! (Wow, run-on sentence anyone?) So I went and had an ultrasound and appointment with Dr. B. Just like the ultrasound on Monday, everything looked great with the baby, but the heart rate was still low, and so Dr. B sent me over to labor and delivery to be monitored until Thursday.

So for the last day and a half I've been tied (literally) up to this machine that measures the baby's heart rate and my non-existent contractions. Aaaaaannnnnnnnnnd it has not been as relaxing as one would think! Anyone who knows me knows that I don't do very well just.... sitting... my mind was going crazy, my legs were going crazy, my body was not very happy, and, well, let's just say I was praying this would be a short-term "vacation." Overall, the heart rate stayed pretty well the same, 100ish baseline with decelerations into the 90s and accelerations up to the 140s.

-- I'm going to take a little break from this update for a minute just to say I am truly amazed at modern medicine and the technological advances that we are fortunate enough to have to help us understand the human body. It is a miraculous thing. It's also truly inspiring to be surrounded by such kind people. I had such sweet nurses who went the extra mile just to chat with me and keep me company, and I have such a great support system in the form of family and friends. I really, really appreciated the visits, phone calls, text messages, Facebook messages, etc. everyone has given. So thank you!! (wipes tear.)

I actually slept several hours last night and woke up this morning feeling much less anxiety. Dr. B ordered another ultrasound this morning and then she said she'd come and talk with me after speaking to the pediatric cardiologist in Salt Lake. She came back around 11:00 and laid out my options for me: 1. Inpatient monitoring. (no, thanks, if I can avoid it!) 2. I could go home, be on bedrest, and come in for monitoring/appointments every day. I chose option 2. Surprised? I thought not. So I was sprung from jail and granted my freedom until at least 9:00 a.m. tomorrow morning.

So now..... where do we go from here? The plan right now is I'll just go in for monitoring every day and an ultrasound about every other day. If everything stays the same, I have a decent chance of being able to make it several more weeks and hopefully full-term (fingers crossed!) I'll be 34 weeks tomorrow, so only six weeks to go! If the heart rate drops, she'll send me down to Salt Lake or they may decide it's best to take the baby. Hopefully in the next few days we'll be able to have some test results back to see whether this is a problem with the baby's heart or if it's a problem with my body producing antibodies that are not compatible with the baby.

Either way, I'm still feeling positive about everything, and I feel that we're in good hands. Maybe it's not ideal, but it could be a whole lot worse, and I know that things will work out for the best.



Oh, and if anyone needs a chat or wants to watch a movie or practice coloring skills or learn to crochet or do anything that can be accomplished while on bed rest, I am the lady to come visit!! I am suddenly finding myself with all kinds of time to do activities that don't involve standing, walking around, or driving :)

Thanks for reading.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

So here's the thing...

So there's been not much activity on this blog as of late. Or ever. Let's face it.

One primary reason why:


In July we announced a new little baby would be joining our family of three girls plus a daddy.

(Sidenote: We're not finding out the gender of the baby, so, no, you didn't miss some grand party slash announcement. Everyone seems to think they just weren't invited or something!)

This pregnancy has been busy. My sweet hubby has been out of town quite a bit leaving me flying solo to play with and feed the little people at my house.


And since, you know, pregnant women have been known to have oodles and oodles of energy (and patience) all the time, sometimes it's been a bit of a challenge keeping up with the two yahoos. Consequently, things like writing have fallen (intentionally) by the wayside.


Let's just say I may or may not have taken my fair share of naps over the past 7 1/2 months.

But tonight I'm feeling a little worried. Stressed. So I decided to write the thoughts of my head. And then I will be less worried and/or stressed. You shall see. Or really I will.

You see, at my 33 week appointment this morning we had a slight mishap. Baby's heart rate had dropped. Sort of significantly. You know it's not a terrific sign when the doctor has to double check and make sure it's not YOUR pulse that he's hearing. (Though I'm thinking that would be a cause for concern as well if my heart rate had jumped up 40 beats a minute.)

So into the other room I went for a non-stress test. The NST showed a heart rate baseline of around 100 beats a minute. Doctors like to see the baseline anywhere from 120s to 160s, so nobody was an overly happy camper. And, as a result, I am shuffled off to the ultrasound room to do a biophysical profile of the baby and see how he/she is doing.

Baby's movement is fantastic, and 95% of the ultrasound is focused on the heart. The tech can't quite make up her mind about whether or not the heart is at a 1/1 ratio or a 2/1 ratio or something, but tells me not to worry, she's sure everything's fine.

(And is it just me or does it seem like doctors and nurses always say things like that? Or my favorite: "This shot's not going to hurt. It'll just be a bit of pressure. BULL. Maybe they're taught that in school. Someone who is enlightened, please inform me.)

ANYWAY... As much as I know about hearts (*cough* almost nothing *cough*), I'm not positive what all of this means. But I do know that this is the exact same scenario that happened to Addy 5..ish.. years ago. The only difference here is that it is happening two weeks earlier with baby #3 than it did with her.

So long story short (TOO LATE!), we're doing another non-stress test tomorrow, and I'm meeting with the high risk baby doctor in a few days to see what she recommends. Oh, AND they gave me a lovely steroid shot to help develop the baby's lungs. (And, okay, can I just go on a little rant here and say that shot HURTS like... well, like something... that hurts a whole heck of a lot? Sheesh! I'm limping out of the office like an oldish lady and I could hardly drive home!) The shot goes in your "hip" (*ahem* it's really just in your butt, but I think they want you to feel a bit more dignified), and I go in for round two tomorrow. Looking forward to it. Ish. Also I think the non-stress test is stressful. Ironic.

So I've been doing some thinking. And pondering. And praying. And more thinking. And pondering. And, well, you get the idea... and I've come to a conclusion: IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT. I've been reflecting on the road that Addy has been on and what an amazing little girl she is growing up to be. And the amount of progress she's made in just the last year alone is truly astounding. So even if baby #3 is headed down the same path, it will be all right.


(And, okay, I'm not playing favorites here. Little Bry is the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life and has all the spunk a three-year-old can handle, but I'm writing about my sweetheart Addy since the situation is a bit like deja-vu for me.)


We haven't gotten to where we are without some challenges. Addy had a big drop in her heart rate around 34/35 weeks, and the doctors ended up delivering her five weeks early. She spent some time in the lovely NICU facility in town, and came home with us after a bit of time practicing eating, learning how to breathe, etc.


As she grew, she didn't hit milestones on time, never slept well, and just generally had a harder time learning skills and appropriate behaviors. Not always a picnic.


BUT I know that things will be all right...not only for her but for baby #3 as well.

And I'm not saying that the delays, the autism diagnosis, the difficulties came because she was an early baby or because she had problems in utero. Maybe they did; maybe they didn't.


The honest truth is I don't care. What happened happened, and there's no point in me wishing for a different outcome.


I'm also not saying that this new baby will follow the same route as his/her sister. Heck, we may even go full term! But even if things turned out exactly the same, I know it will still be all right.

Now, has my eldest child had a harder time with things than my soon-to-be middle child? She sure has.

Has she had to work harder than other kids her age? You betcha.


Have I had to work harder to do my part in getting her where she's at? Definitely.

Would I trade it for anything? Nope.

I've learned more in my experience being this brilliant and beautiful kid's mom than I think in the rest of my life combined. It's been so, so tough at times, but so incredibly worth it.


Our days are filled with therapies, special foods, vitamins, supplements, school, and squeezing in time for play. The days are busy and a lot of work, but I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. These beautiful children are worth it. And who knows? Maybe we'll get the opportunity to take the path less traveled all over again.


In the meantime, I will continue to be grateful and cherish the two princesses I have been given and continue to pray for and love the unborn miracle coming to our family (hopefully later than sooner).

Thanks for reading.