So here's the thing...

So there's been not much activity on this blog as of late. Or ever. Let's face it.

One primary reason why:

In July we announced a new little baby would be joining our family of three girls plus a daddy.

(Sidenote: We're not finding out the gender of the baby, so, no, you didn't miss some grand party slash announcement. Everyone seems to think they just weren't invited or something!)

This pregnancy has been busy. My sweet hubby has been out of town quite a bit leaving me flying solo to play with and feed the little people at my house.

And since, you know, pregnant women have been known to have oodles and oodles of energy (and patience) all the time, sometimes it's been a bit of a challenge keeping up with the two yahoos. Consequently, things like writing have fallen (intentionally) by the wayside.

Let's just say I may or may not have taken my fair share of naps over the past 7 1/2 months.

But tonight I'm feeling a little worried. Stressed. So I decided to write the thoughts of my head. And then I will be less worried and/or stressed. You shall see. Or really I will.

You see, at my 33 week appointment this morning we had a slight mishap. Baby's heart rate had dropped. Sort of significantly. You know it's not a terrific sign when the doctor has to double check and make sure it's not YOUR pulse that he's hearing. (Though I'm thinking that would be a cause for concern as well if my heart rate had jumped up 40 beats a minute.)

So into the other room I went for a non-stress test. The NST showed a heart rate baseline of around 100 beats a minute. Doctors like to see the baseline anywhere from 120s to 160s, so nobody was an overly happy camper. And, as a result, I am shuffled off to the ultrasound room to do a biophysical profile of the baby and see how he/she is doing.

Baby's movement is fantastic, and 95% of the ultrasound is focused on the heart. The tech can't quite make up her mind about whether or not the heart is at a 1/1 ratio or a 2/1 ratio or something, but tells me not to worry, she's sure everything's fine.

(And is it just me or does it seem like doctors and nurses always say things like that? Or my favorite: "This shot's not going to hurt. It'll just be a bit of pressure. BULL. Maybe they're taught that in school. Someone who is enlightened, please inform me.)

ANYWAY... As much as I know about hearts (*cough* almost nothing *cough*), I'm not positive what all of this means. But I do know that this is the exact same scenario that happened to Addy 5..ish.. years ago. The only difference here is that it is happening two weeks earlier with baby #3 than it did with her.

So long story short (TOO LATE!), we're doing another non-stress test tomorrow, and I'm meeting with the high risk baby doctor in a few days to see what she recommends. Oh, AND they gave me a lovely steroid shot to help develop the baby's lungs. (And, okay, can I just go on a little rant here and say that shot HURTS like... well, like something... that hurts a whole heck of a lot? Sheesh! I'm limping out of the office like an oldish lady and I could hardly drive home!) The shot goes in your "hip" (*ahem* it's really just in your butt, but I think they want you to feel a bit more dignified), and I go in for round two tomorrow. Looking forward to it. Ish. Also I think the non-stress test is stressful. Ironic.

So I've been doing some thinking. And pondering. And praying. And more thinking. And pondering. And, well, you get the idea... and I've come to a conclusion: IT WILL BE ALL RIGHT. I've been reflecting on the road that Addy has been on and what an amazing little girl she is growing up to be. And the amount of progress she's made in just the last year alone is truly astounding. So even if baby #3 is headed down the same path, it will be all right.

(And, okay, I'm not playing favorites here. Little Bry is the cutest thing you've ever seen in your life and has all the spunk a three-year-old can handle, but I'm writing about my sweetheart Addy since the situation is a bit like deja-vu for me.)

We haven't gotten to where we are without some challenges. Addy had a big drop in her heart rate around 34/35 weeks, and the doctors ended up delivering her five weeks early. She spent some time in the lovely NICU facility in town, and came home with us after a bit of time practicing eating, learning how to breathe, etc.

As she grew, she didn't hit milestones on time, never slept well, and just generally had a harder time learning skills and appropriate behaviors. Not always a picnic.

BUT I know that things will be all right...not only for her but for baby #3 as well.

And I'm not saying that the delays, the autism diagnosis, the difficulties came because she was an early baby or because she had problems in utero. Maybe they did; maybe they didn't.

The honest truth is I don't care. What happened happened, and there's no point in me wishing for a different outcome.

I'm also not saying that this new baby will follow the same route as his/her sister. Heck, we may even go full term! But even if things turned out exactly the same, I know it will still be all right.

Now, has my eldest child had a harder time with things than my soon-to-be middle child? She sure has.

Has she had to work harder than other kids her age? You betcha.

Have I had to work harder to do my part in getting her where she's at? Definitely.

Would I trade it for anything? Nope.

I've learned more in my experience being this brilliant and beautiful kid's mom than I think in the rest of my life combined. It's been so, so tough at times, but so incredibly worth it.

Our days are filled with therapies, special foods, vitamins, supplements, school, and squeezing in time for play. The days are busy and a lot of work, but I'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. These beautiful children are worth it. And who knows? Maybe we'll get the opportunity to take the path less traveled all over again.

In the meantime, I will continue to be grateful and cherish the two princesses I have been given and continue to pray for and love the unborn miracle coming to our family (hopefully later than sooner).

Thanks for reading.